This is a post that I have been meaning to write since Mardi Gras, but as always, life gets busy and it's hard to find time to sit down and write. I always struggle with giving something up for Lent. The purpose of giving up is to recognize the sacrifice that Jesus made for us on the cross. When we are "suffering" because of our "sacrifice" we are supposed to be thinking of His suffering. But to be completely honest, the only thing that ever crosses my mind is my own suffering for having to give something up; I'm not thinking about Jesus. I think about Him on a regular basis (I mean, I do work in a Catholic church, after all) and think about His ultimate sacrifice, and I thank God daily for all of the gifts I have been given, and am given on a daily basis. Instead of giving up I try to do something to improve myself, to become more what God wants me to be. This year I was having a hard time thinking of something to do (no, I'm not saying I'm perfect, but who likes to name all the things wrong with herself?). But God spoke to me on Mardi Gras and I instantly knew what I had to do. (He always does help just in the nick of time, doesn't he?)
It was Lily's first day of swimming lessons. She was so excited for them to start, and she had so much fun hanging out in the pool and making new friends and just splashing around (she is a little fish, and very daring - she kept wading out into water that was chin-deep). When lessons were over and everyone was out of the pool, Lily was still in there, all along, walking around in the chin-deep water. The teachers were trying to get their next classes ready to get in, and I am standing there with Emmy on my hip, trying to get Lily's attention to get her out of the pool. How embarrassing!! Obviously, my frustration level was starting to rise. I finally got her out of the pool and then tried to get her into a shower to rinse off. More frustration as she would not get in the shower. Then I had to get her dried off and dressed, which was another battle. Keep in mind, I also have Emmy with me this whole time, so I'm trying to keep her near me and not wandering off while I'm dealing with Lily not listening and fighting against everything I want her to do. At this point my frustration level was very high.
As we walked out of swimming lessons, and keep in mind, my frustration level was already high from her behavior inside, she isn't listening and was just wandering and meandering. She was playing in the bike rack (one of those newer, squiggly ones), and insisted on walking through the snow, and Emmy is getting heavy on my hip and starting to slip down my jacket. My frustration level was growing even higher, and I was about to snap. But in that moment I had an epiphany. It suddenly hit me; the Spirit spoke to me. I need to try to see the world the way she does - full of awe and wonder. I need to slow down and take in the things around me, and allow her to do the same. There are so many things for her to see and figure out what they do and what their purpose is. She is only going to be a child once. She is only going to see things for the first time once, only going to learn about the world around her once. When I see her soaking in something new, I need to stop and have patience with her. I don't want to force her to grow up too fast, the world will do plenty of that for me. (That being said, I know she needs to learn how to listen and behave properly, but I don't want her spirit to be squashed either.)
So this Lent, that is what I am working on. Seeing the world through Lily's eyes and letting her do the same! So far it has been wonderful. I still have my days where I wish she would move a little faster, dawdle a little less, but that's Lily. It's just the way she is. I know that she needs to learn to listen and be on task, and we are working on that, but I want to just let her be a kid because in no time at all she will be all grown up and I will be looking back wishing I could remember her as she is now. The fact that I have been choosing my battles a little more wisely with her has really helped with her listening skills. She seems to be much better about doing the things that I ask, just because she gets a little bit of freedom at other times. We have had less time battling and more time rolling around on the floor having fun and giggling. What a joy it has been for me to experiencing more of that with her! This is definitely not just a 40 day change, this is a life change. I want my dear, sweet girl to grow up to be kind and patient. Where is she going to learn it if she doesn't learn it at home?
God bless! 0:)
